Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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