mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
