I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
