I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
