I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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