please come you make the beer taste better
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
