sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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