the condom got lost in my hair
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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