i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
