Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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