butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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