doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
