my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
