That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
