I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize