If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
