omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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