when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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