So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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