phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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