Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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