I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
