She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you never un-have a 4some
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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