just tell him i said nine months
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
