When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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