Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
