it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
