he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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