i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
