I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
