The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
