I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
