it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
