I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
