You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
