The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
