Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
