i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
