I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
