As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
