Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
