i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
