i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Couch. On fire.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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