To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
