I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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