Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so let's talk penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
