i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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