Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
