I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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