Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
