What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
