I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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