His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
