I'm really into asian looking animals
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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