It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
