the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
