i think my tv is drunk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
