Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
