also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
