Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
