i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
