I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
