I'm going to jail i love you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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