I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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