Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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