There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize