If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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