that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
