before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
