Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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