Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
