i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
