We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
