Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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